I view my loss as a blessing.
When I read those words, I stopped in my tracks. The breath was knocked out of me. I had to read it over and over again. I am in a group that encourages sharing and celebrating your flaws. The topic this particular day was about who you were missing this holiday season due to loss. The majority of the women in this group had lost a parent. Many of them were sharing how because of their loss, they go through the holiday motions for others. That if they had it their way they might just call it all off. But there are kids to think of and traditions to try and keep, so they press on. Loss gets the back burner.
Until one comment.
“I realize we all grieve differently but I celebrate my mom’s life. Her death was a blessing.”
Talk about a sucker punch.
I can get behind celebrating life, but her death was a blessing? Even something so tragic, unexpected, and simply not fair? How in the world have you come to the point where you think it was a blessing? Those were my initials reactions. Even though my mom has been gone for 10 years and 11 Christmases now, the idea of her death being blessing was completely absurd to me. But for some reason that comment really stuck to me. Even over a week later, I still can’t stop thinking about how this person just may be right.
Let’s face it, I wouldn’t be where I am today without the loss of my mom. I wouldn’t be passionate about helping others revive their lives: to live in the moment, to improve their health, to make a career change. Not one single thing that I currently have in my life would be the same. The whole trajectory of my life would be different. We may not live in the same house, have the same kids, or live the same lifestyle. I may not care about my health or well being at all. I could be working the same job I was at, gaining more and more weight every year, health declining, sadden by the fact I know I have more to offer the world but was stuck in a job I didn’t love.
Loss led me here.
Yes, this tragic loss in my life, led me to so many beautiful things. It opened my heart up to better friendships, to building a business, and to create a community that I love. Loss leads me to push to be a better communicator with my spouse. It leads me to be a better mom for my kids. Loss helps me pause in the chaos and create a life with the momentum that I really want. It helps me take care of me. Sooner rather than later. Because my kids only get one mom and they deserve to have the best mom.
Maybe you still think the idea is crazy. Maybe your heart is still too raw. That’s ok. We all grieve differently and we all grieve at a different pace. Take your time. Be gentle with yourself. I pray that at some point you can pause long enough to collect blessings along the way.