I spent last night getting grounded.
Sometimes I will joke that I need to put myself in a time out. Similar to what would happen if a child is disobedient or simply needed a break – that kind of time out. Hidden away in a room. No devices or distractions. Simply silence and time to think about one’s actions. Well last night, I was grounded.
Yesterday was a bad day. Let’s just put it out there. I have been working so hard in many areas of life and yesterday, well, it just was not my day. The feelings of failing and falling short were suffocating. Continual interruptions by the kids seemed never ending. The negative degree temperatures loomed over us yet again. I’d like to think we are just a bit stir crazy but I know deep down I battle some seasonal depression.
The list goes on.
At one point yesterday, I found myself locked away in my bathroom, feeling completely defeated. I had snuck out at one point to grab my phone so I could send my husband an SOS email. This wasn’t any email. It wasn’t a “I need you to come home early today ” plea. It was a “I need help for the long term” request. The thing is, even in my emotional rambling to him, I don’t know what kind of help I was even asking him to provide. I went on and on about my list of shortcomings – even though at my core, I knew they weren’t true! I knew I was better than this and that my worth doesn’t lie in a list of to-dos. But sometimes when you are in that downward spiral, there’s no where to go but down some more.
Sending that email was out of character for me. I normally fight to put on the most positive outlook I can and push through any emotional hardship. But sometimes you need to ask for help or even vent constructively. You need to reach out to someone wise, someone who can lift you up and speak hard truths over you. My husband is great at that when I am constructive in my communication. But he’s not the only one who helped me get grounded yesterday. God showed up. Oh, did He show up. In my small, simple steps of obedience, He showed up in a big way, like only God does. It started with me getting negative, repetitive thoughts out of my head and to a trusted, wise person who could reassure me. It followed with me getting myself to Bible study despite the day, despite the cold temperatures, despite my mood. While there, the messages I needed for revival flooded over me. One obvious one in particular: are you seeking to be with God or only seeking what He can do for you?
I thought of that email of failings and shortcomings I sent my husband earlier. It was all accomplishment driven. It was how I felt I was failing as a mom, a wife, with family, as a leader, and in business but ironically also my list of daily prayers. It’s a list of things I want God to do for me. I wake up early every day to make sure I have my quiet time in before the crazy day starts. I make sure I get books read and prayers written. But I have been doing this only because I am talking to God about all the things I desire. The things that are burning deep within my core to see movement in my life. While circling your needs in prayers and asking for protection is a must, so is simply seeking God. Being joyful in His presence. Appreciating the silence. Knowing that you are so very loved without a massive string of accomplishments. He humbles us and love us. He forgives us. Most of all, He grounds us.